come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
