You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
