gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
