oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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