If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
