My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
