White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
