We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
