google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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