I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
