dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
