She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
