I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
