what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
