Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
