After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
