Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
