Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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