so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
