I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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