we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
