You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
