I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
