I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
