Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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