I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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