He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
