The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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