I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I didn't notice because vodka
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
