I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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