Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I AM VODKA MAN
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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