We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
