woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
