when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
