: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize