I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
