never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
