worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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