By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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