So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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