I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
