ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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