Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
