it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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