I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
