I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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