I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
