it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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