I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
