i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My feet surprised me
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