I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
