i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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