i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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