he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize