i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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