is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
