Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
