I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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