I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Text me some of your sweat
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