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I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just google imaged poop.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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