I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
