i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
