yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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