Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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