saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
