Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
There's even glitter on my cock...
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