i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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