get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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