Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
