and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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