We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
