fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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