I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
