If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
