I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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